I guess this is my toughest challenge in my life is to keep focused on His calling for my life. I just don't understand why there is not more of a hunger for the lost??? I believe that things really changed for me when so many people that I have ministered to started being murdered. To have an image and basically be able to roll a video in your mind of the last conversation you had with someone that has passed is tough. I think "why is it that only 1% of professing Christians share their faith on a daily basis"? Again, I hear the still small voice.
I have people coming to me saying that the Lord is leading them to give financially to the ministry then they do not keep their word or I do not do things the way they think I should be doing them so they must hear from the Lord to cut us off without any notice. I want to lash out but again I hear the voice. I have people come to me saying that the Lord has called them to do this type of ministry then the enemy leads them away. I go weeks not hearing from them. I think if so and so was here they could do a better job of reaching this person than me. I hear the voice repeating the same thing.
We all go through struggles in this life and I guess I am just letting those who truly care and who follow this ministry know what I struggle with. Please pray for me to be able to deal with this and to listen to that still small voice. For some that have not heard from me, I am trying to stay focused on what that voice is telling me. For years I have tried to juggle people like a juggler tries to keep all the balls in the air, I have tried to keep the people motivated and focused on reaching the lost. I feel the Lord telling me that if people really want to be involved they know where I am at and what I do. The biggest thing is for people to be doing what HE has called them to do. It has been spoken over me that the Lord is sending help and I must stay focused and wait for that help to arrive.
For me the major hurts in life do not come from the people on the streets, they come from people who profess to be Christians and even more from people who profess to be friends. How some of these professing Christians can say and do the things they say and do is beyond me? Oops! I just heard that still small voice again "just do what I have told you to do"! I'm done!